WHEN IS IT TIME TO BECOME THE GUARDIAN OF YOUR AGING PARENT?

Evelyn is 95 years old. She still lives in the home she shared with her husband of nearly seventy years, until his passing five years ago. Together, they raised four children, each of whom remains involved in her life and care.

Before her husband passed, Evelyn and he chose their eldest daughter, Audrey, as their health care proxy and attorney-in-fact. The other siblings respected their parents’ wishes and initially trusted Audrey to manage their mother’s medical and financial decisions.

At first, Evelyn appeared to adjust well to life without her husband. But over time, her children began noticing changes.

The Warning Signs

During routine visits, Evelyn’s children noticed she was more forgetful and less capable of managing daily tasks on her own. They grew increasingly concerned, not only about Evelyn’s decline but about Audrey’s behavior.

Audrey had become secretive, avoiding questions about their mother's care. Still, the siblings managed to agree on hiring a part-time caregiver to help Evelyn with basic needs: hygiene, meals, and companionship. This arrangement worked for a while.

Then Evelyn began falling frequently. Three of the four falls resulted in hospitalizations and surgeries. The other siblings pushed for increased care. Audrey refused.

She insisted that their mother was still independent and didn’t need more help.

A Disturbing Discovery

On a recent visit, Evelyn’s daughter Deborah was approached privately by the caregiver. With concern in her voice, she shared alarming details: Evelyn was being physically neglected and financially exploited by Audrey.

Deborah was stunned.

Soon after, their brother Andrew flew in. He saw the signs immediately, Evelyn had lost weight, appeared increasingly confused, and was clearly not being properly cared for. The caregiver shared that:

• Audrey had stopped paying some of Evelyn’s bills

• Large sums of money were unaccounted for

• Food and personal care supplies were being restricted

• Audrey discussed changing beneficiary designations

• She was refusing to allow additional caregiver hours despite clear need

Deborah and Andrew called Audrey to talk. She responded defensively and refused to collaborate. ‘I know what’s best. I don’t need your advice. I have the authority—you don’t,’ she said.

The Turning Point

At a crossroads, Deborah and Andrew reached out to our team for guidance. After careful discussion, they determined that seeking guardianship was the safest and most responsible course of action to protect their mother’s well-being.

With our support, they retained a guardianship litigator and ultimately secured plenary guardianship, ensuring Evelyn would receive the care and protection she needed.

Critical Questions to Ask Yourself

If you're facing a similar situation, here are key questions to consider:

1. Are you familiar with the signs of incapacity?

2. Is a person with dementia legally considered incompetent?

3. Do you know how to prove someone is incapacitated?

4. Are you aware of mediation options to help resolve family conflicts before pursuing court action?

5. Do you understand what guardianship is—and its pros and cons?

6. Do you know why your loved one may need a guardian?

7. Are you familiar with the legal guardianship process in your state?

8. Do you have relationships with professionals who can support you?

• Certified Aging Life Care Manager

• Elder Law Attorney

• Guardianship Attorney

• Estate Planning Attorney

• Financial Adviser with eldercare expertise

9. Most importantly: Are you willing and able to serve as guardian if it’s in your loved one’s best interest?

A Difficult, But Sometimes Necessary Step

Guardianship is not a decision to take lightly. It can cause deep rifts within families and should always be considered a last resort. But when a vulnerable adult is at risk physically, emotionally, or financially, it may be the only way to ensure their safety and dignity.

We have walked this path with many families over the years. The common thread? Love, concern, and a commitment to doing what’s right—even when it’s hard.